It is said that people see their whole life before their eyes when they are dying. We will certainly not know it until we are on the verge of death.

Death, however unpleasant it may seem, is an inevitable stage in life. Everyone will meet it one day.

Have you ever thought about who you will be and what you will think when you find out the last moments of this life? Most people ask this question. What will you regret then, what are the past experiences for which you would give time back to fix them? I’ve gathered some of the most common regrets that people on their deathbed have when they know they have a little before they go beyond. We certainly can’t control whether we die, but we can control how we live until then.

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I didn’t had the courage to say what I wanted

We often avoid saying no when we want to say no. And yes when we want yes. We do not show our anger or joy for fear of hurting ourselves. We avoid shaking the boat so as not to disturb it.

Ironically, when you are honest and express your feelings – positive or negative – you will gain more respect from those around you. At first you will probably run into opposition to them. They are not used to saying NO.

Then some will understand that this is you and will respect you. Others will never do it and will want to keep you in check. And the latter may not be suitable for you as friends.

Carefully select your entourage. You are left with fewer people around you, but who accept you as you are, with everything you feel. Relationships that will enrich you and increase your value.

Do not accept mediocre friends, just to have an extended social circle. If you are content with a mediocre existence, you will always carry within you the bitterness of the compromises you have made. Sooner or later you will regret it.

Many people use social media (facebook, twitter, google plus, yahoo messenger, etc.) to download their feelings. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

In general, however, a phone call to a person close to you, a hug, or going out for coffee with a man you respect (or want to work something out with) will change your life for the better and lead to relationships. which you have at a higher level.

I didn’t took any risks

Safety is an ideal: THERE IS NO SAFETY. All you can have is the feeling of peace, the confidence you have in knowing that you are safe from danger. But it remains only a feeling, you will never be sure that you are completely sheltered.

Maybe tomorrow a car will hit you while you were walking quietly on the sidewalk. Or maybe while you are on a picnic a plane will crash and you will die crushed under it.

“It is dangerous for Frodo to go out the door. You walk on the road and if you are not careful where you walk you cannot know where you could end up. ”

Bilbo’s words in “The Lord of the Rings”

Do I know what safety is for animals? Not!

Do the plants know her? Not again!

However, both animals and plants live. No one will ever be able to live in complete safety. And running away from dangers is no safer than exposing yourself to what you find difficult. It’s just a cowardly act of running away from the torrent of life.

Life is either a brave adventure or not at all

Hellen Keller

Have you ever wondered how much energy you consume while avoiding problems and seeking safety?

Do a simple exercise: Divide a sheet of paper in half (vertically). Choose a few situations to run away from and avoid solving. On the left, write how much energy, money, time, etc. you consume to maintain the current situation (comfortable, risk-free) and how much you would consume if you approached the situation with courage and assumed some calculated risks.

You will see that in reality you consume more energy to avoid dangers and stay in the comfort zone than you would have consumed if you had approached the problem and solved it.

Get out of your comfort zone. Dance like you’re alone and make the rest of your life an adventure.

I didn’t live a life I wanted. I lived life as others expected of me.

Arriving before death, people realized that all their lives they did not do what they wanted, but what others wanted from them. Maybe it’s parents, husband, wife, siblings, friends, teachers, colleagues, boss or someone else.

Some attended the college desired by their parents. They became lawyers, not architects who dreamed of being. Or maybe they stayed home, instead of accepting the challenge of the job they received in another country. Look around, you will find similar examples in your life. How many sublime destinies have been wasted in this way?

Too few people realize that by doing what others have wanted, they have given up the joy and adventure of life. They gave up their own dreams to fulfill those of others. They gave up a destiny that could have been extraordinary.

Society has created boxes in which we live our lives. Each of us – immediately after birth – is given the boxes in which “must” stay. Generation after generation we pass on to each other the list of boxes in which to live. We receive them from our parents and pass them on to our children.

Let’s be honest: there are limits that each of us needs to respect in order to live together. It is not okay to hit passers-by on the street or set fire to a neighbour’s house (there are exceptions )

But in some moments we will have to break the cultural limitations if we want to ever live a fulfilled life. In order to be able to feel our hearts full of happiness, we sometimes need to get out of the boxes we were raised in and draw them differently than our parents did.

Or abandon some boxes. Think out of the box. It is not about anarchy, but about deciding for ourselves what destiny we have and what is the lifestyle we want to live. Respecting, of course, the basic rules of living with others. See also the story of John Burroghs’ life or “The Secret of Happiness is in Your Occupation.”

Make your dreams come true from now on. Start this as soon as possible, in your youth you have good health and an unshakable psyche.

As you get older you will discover that it is more difficult to start, but not impossible (the story of Colonel Sanders who founded KFC at the age of 60 is famous).

I didn’t allow myself to be happy

Have you ever met a man you don’t remember ever seeing with a smile on his face and radiating happiness? Or maybe you are like that?

There are people who indulge in the emotional comfort of everyday problems and do not want to be happy. Maybe they feel guilty about being happy, maybe they are afraid of happiness. It may be unusual, but yes, some people do not want to be happy.

In the face of death, however, they will regret that they did not smile several times and that they did not take the child for a walk in the park. He would give anything now many years before, and death would be long before them. And be able to smile.

Take the child to an ice cream and go out in the park, go out with the person you love for a pizza or jump with a parachute. Move to another country, get a bike or do anything else that would make you happy. Take the choices that enrich your life and fulfill you.

I didn’t had a wishlist

Another major regret of people in the face of death is that they did not dream, they did not aspire to anything. They did not set out to achieve the things they wanted and did not make significant achievements for themselves.

Do you know what a Bucket List is?

It’s a list of things or experiences you want to accomplish before you die. I have various items on my list: to take the child to a swimming class, to visit Tibet, to travel to the moon, to participate in the Rio carnival, to play the piano, to finish a triathlon, to walk on hot coals, etc. .

Over 100 ideas and I always add others. There are no limits!

Make a list of things you want to do before you die. Don’t be shy: choose things that are easy to do, but also difficult. You have enough time ahead to accomplish whatever you set out to do, no matter how hard it may seem.

Write a diary in which you tell about these experiences and live those moments to the fullest. Enjoy marking them on the list once they are satisfied.

I worked too hard

I don’t think there was anyone on the deathbed who wished he had worked even harder. To have spent more hours at work (job or own business) and less with the people he cared about or doing what he did.

If you are a parent, do not give up a fulfilling family life, staying up late at the office even when the child is waiting for you at home to play. Don’t miss celebrations or football matches when he wants to be with you and encourage him.

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For him, every moment you are with him is precious.

Adopt a simple, minimalist lifestyle and eliminate from your life what makes it difficult for you. You will find that you need less money than you thought and that you have more free time than you ever imagined. And then new opportunities will begin to appear in your life, opportunities that you would otherwise have missed. And you will become happier.

I did not forgive a loved one who made a mistake

Have you seen in the movies (or maybe you know personally) those resentful old women who always condemn each other? Who carry with them mistakes for decades and are unable to forgive them.

I remember a short story:

There were once two monks crossing the forest on their way to the monastery. In a valley they met a river. As they prepared to cross, a woman approached them – lightly dressed – and asked her to help her cross.

The old monk took her in his arms and crossed the water. He lowered it, and the monks then went on their way. The second, younger monk, after looking at his brother in dismay as he crossed the water with the woman in his arms, mumbled all the way.

As evening approached, the young monk could not resist and finally exploded: “Good brother, you always tell us to stay away from women and temptations, and you carried her in your arms? What example do you give us? ”

The old monk looked at him calmly and replied, “Brother, I let the girl down after crossing the water. Why are you still carrying it with you? ”

Continuing to carry in your heart the resentments and anger towards a man – or an accident – will only bring you bitterness and pain. You will never be able to see the good and the happy part of life. In the end, this can make you sick. Medical research has revealed the close link between cancer and life dissatisfaction.

Keeping in you the pain you experienced when you were wrong, you miss the joy of life. Don’t take anything personally from what happened to you.

Forgive those who have wronged you and forget what happened. Release the pain you keep inside.

Seek forgiveness from those you have wronged. Stop carrying the pain and guilt. In the end, the pain is extinguished by forgiveness.

I haven’t kept in touch with friends

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a former schoolmate. We hadn’t seen each other in 16 years and we met by chance on the street. It was a pleasure to talk again after so long and to renew old memories.
Many such friends “lose” them over time. We remember some of them after years or we meet them by chance on the street (or Facebook, my case).

Or we remember them when we are called to their funeral.

I recently found out that a former schoolmate died in a stupid car accident. He was twenty-something years old.

Old friends have their value, even when the dust has settled on them. Who would you like to find and review? Get your hands on the phone and call him / her. Go out for coffee or beer and renew the relationship.

Old and fulfilling relationships are like a good wine: as time goes on, they become more valuable. Like an old wine, they need to be maintained and not left in a corner of memory.

Look for your friends, don’t let friendships go out.

I didn’t believe

On the deathbed another reason for regret often invoked is the fact that they never had the courage to have a leap of faith. Let the whole being believe in something. Maybe the idea I believe in will follow, but not necessarily.

I am referring here to believing with the whole being, regardless of whether it is about religion, about God, about destiny, about reincarnation. Or to believe in love, in immortality, in a football team, etc. Simply pure faith, for no particular reason.

I had no children

Children are often seen as an inconvenience, an obstacle to professional achievement and financial success. Or a problem due to the difficulty of raising them. Look around and you will see hundreds of couples who have children and who would not say that they are perfectly prepared for it.

It’s not easy to raise children. There are many hard times for any parent. It may seem like a pragmatic (or convenient?) Decision not to have children, or to have them only when you are done / you will reach that desired position. Or when the stars will line up and the perfect time will come.

However, such choices can bring you into the situation of reaching an advanced age on your own. Will you have a fulfilled life alone? It is the destiny of the human species to leave a legacy after we die, including through the existence of children to represent us after our death.

So think carefully before you decide not to have children.

I did not offer help without interest

When we give happiness around us, our soul is enlightened by even more happiness and beauty. Our spiritual being radiates well and becomes more incandescent with every selfless act of kindness we do.

Remember how you felt when you helped someone who was in trouble without him / her knowing it. When you have offered well, without expecting anything in return and without even the person being helped being aware of your effort.

It’s impossible you never did that. It’s like an ointment for the soul, you feel it rising. Stand up for the one next to you when he is alone.

For a long time I was not used to giving anything to beggars on the street. I always asked myself, “What will he do with the money?” What if he drinks them? ”

But I learned that in the end, it doesn’t matter what a beggar does with the money you give him. You create to others, to the universe, to God – send an intention, an act that you want to help someone who is doing worse than you.

Some will buy that child’s bread for that money, or take their medicine. Others will drink them. You can’t control that, and you don’t have to worry. But you can smile at the one who received contempt.

Give your help to the one who fell.

I was particularly helped in documenting this article by Ira Byock’s book “Dying Well,” Assistant Bronnie Ware’s Observations on the End-of-Life, and Joseph Maria Bochenski’s Handbook of Wisdom for Ordinary People.

What is a fulfilled life?

I set out to learn to live the rest of my life so that I could finish it strong and with a smile on my face. Strong and calm inside, without regrets and without living in the past. Smiling at me, at God and at the rest of the world.

I believe that a life lived in the feeling of fulfillment and peace towards yourself is a rich and meaningful life. The 11 regrets above remind me that life has its ups and downs.

And in order to obtain calm and peace, we often have to go through restless waters, from which we will not get out without scratches.

We choose a plan to go through them and learn from our mistakes in order to evolve further. It is up to us to accept these scratches and wounds.

I choose whether I will heal them to move on or I will remain trapped in their trap and daily comfort.

In the end, when I look back I want to smile knowing that what is left behind is positive. That it is light and a fulfilled life.

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